The hardest word in the english language... "NO!"

Why is this such a hard word for me to say? Is it because I have this condition where I feel like I have to make people happy? Or I'm afraid I'm going to hurt someone's feelings? I'm envious of people that have the ability to put their happiness before others. I think sometimes I can't say no, because I don't really have a reason for not doing it other than " i just don't want to", and I feel like if I come up with a reason then that person is going to know I'm lying to them. Let's take babysitting for example. I have a few families that I babysit for. No matter how many times I tell them that weekends are difficult and I prefer not to babysit then, they still ask. So when they ask me to babysit on the one free Saturday night that I have all month, inside I'm screaming "NOO!!!" but all that comes out is "sure, I'm free that night." It's almost as if I think they will know that I'm lying and just sitting at home on the couch if I say "oh, I'm sorry. I'm not gonna be able to."

I am 100% without a doubt a people pleaser. I'm always worried about how I'm going to make someone feel, or if they are going to be mad if I do something or don't do something.... but why?! Why can't I just say "Nope. That won't work for me." or "This is what I'm doing. Take it or leave it." I agree to do something, then dread it for months, weeks, days or hours..... the whole time thinking "I should just call and say I can't do it." Ben got frustrated with me the other day and said "I'm sick of you committing to something, then complaining about 'having' to do it!" He's right (Yes, I said it) - no one is making me do these things that make me miserable, I'm agreeing to them! What is wrong with me?!

Guys and girls think differently on this matter. Guys can just say it like it is to each other and no one gets their feelings hurt! "no man - I really don't want to do that. " Girls... we have to tip-toe around each other because inevitably the other girl is gonna be mad or get her feelings hurt. So what do we do to avoid this? We agree to do it when we'd rather cut our finger off!

I hope one day very soon I will make "no" a part of my regular vocabulary.